Hiax...
after 4 long days,
finally done my JAE application.
i shld be relifed and glad tt its over ryt?
i shld be glad tt now all i can do is just to wait
for the posting to be out ryt?
But, NO!
i feel very .. remoseful!
make is SUPER DUPER!

hiax.
due to my mom's diff expectation for me
my 1st choice for the poly course
( btw im gg poly)
it changed frm, chemical engineering to biomedical science to optometry to aeronautical
engineering and back to chemical engineering and then finally to....
chemical and biomolecular engineering

today i spend my WHOLE day..
and i realli mean the WHOLE day infront of the com
just to choose the course
in the morining, i discussed with my bro
and i got a list
( as we have to write down 12 courses)
and i thought, '' yes it was done''
but to think of it..
hmmm dun realli like the course

then at late afternoon
i settled ANOTHER list with my sis!!
hehe...
and guess wat?
at night
i did ONE MORE list with my dad!
and the finally one was wat i wanted...
and the thing tt is stoppin me frm gg to the web and apply
was my bro and my mom's approver!!
my bro was somehow ok with it ( surprisingly)
as he was kinda annoyed of me pestering him AGAIN!
as my mom went Singapore shopping
she came home kinda late
and i thought she was ok with my choice
but in the end NO!

we had an 2 hr 30 mins discussion of
whether to place
Chemical engineering SP ( mom's side)
or
Chemical and biomedical engineering ( my side)

my mom wanna me to do for SP
as the course there is more focused on just 1 factor
but mine is focused on 2 factors..
and after comparing, we both noe tt SP is teaching more things...
we keep discussing until, we almost started to quarrel..

my mom's reason for me to go SP
as its 50+ yrs old
the teacher are experiences
and the course is better
she is doin this for my own gd
but my reason for NP
is bcaz i get a lap top if i go there!
hiax, stupiding thinking...
she is helping me yet i.....
WAT WAS I THINKING....
haix...

in the end she gave in
and i was allowed to go NP
but, i feel so sad,.. so empty
SORRY MOM!!
its too late to change now
as i already sumitted the application...!!
im realli sorry!
whenever we quarrel, and i always talk back
but after the quarrel, one after another time
when i think back
she is always right, she always has her point
but i dun.....
then y do i always wanna start a fight
when i noe tt she is right, and tt she is doing it for my gd?
why im i like that?

what is done is done..
even if i want to go SP also no use le
wat can i do now?
i feel so ashamed of myself
the onli way tt i can do is to
REALLI work hard and be in the top 5% of the course
and get a scholarship and go to Uni!
I CAN DO IT !!
MOM ! THIS IS FOR U!!

there is such a song call
'' Sorry, seems to be the hardest word''
yes i agree...
hence im not gg to say sorry to her
im gg to express it out to her
and how do i do tt?
and tt is to make her proud
do extremely well in MY COURSE!!
for the past 10 years,
i have been studying for myself
but now, im not onli studying for myself
but my mom too!!!

mom i love u!
sorry for hurting u and
not listenin to u!
i might be a stone,
but my heart is a tofu
haha!!
MOM!!!!